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Beach
baller.
5
figure wardrobes.
6 figure cars.
7 figure jobs.
8 figure waterfront homes.
If you can't roll with the
bold, and speak spanish, Florida is not for you.
Virginia
is for Lovers.
Colorado is for Hustlers.
California is for Commies.
Florida is for Playas.
1,200
miles of coastline can't be wrong. If you don't get
it, don't buy it.
Florida
is for Playas - T-Shirt
Available
in S, M, L, XL
$19.50
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Guest
workers, Yanks and Canucks unite.
We
stole it. They're stealing it back. Can't we all just
get along? Extend the long arm of border-erasing brotherhood
and lets all share a Corona in the oil-rich Canadian
wilderness. If we can't tap into it, at least we can
tap a keg OVER it and drown our oil-addicted
sorrows together. As a matter of fact, we'll promise
not to build the 2,000 mile fence "you-know-where"
if you promise to just keep going north to be dealt
with by the RCMP in New France (aka Canada). Brown
is the new white. Beer is the new oil. Brother from
a foreign non-citizen mother is the new illegal.
MexAmeriCanada
is for Natives - T-Shirt
Available
in S, M, L, XL
$19.50
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Flag
on the play.er.
Untold
numbers of whiplash cases have been credited to your
presence when stepping onto the "field of play."
Whether that be an actual field, or playing the field
at your local watering hole. Guns. Pecs. Boulders.
Six Packs. Glutes. Cantaloupe Calves. Pythons. Apollo's
Belt. The Tip of the Spear. Are these euphemisms unnecessary?
Of course not. But not everyone can look this good.
Make sure they know that.
Unnecessary
Buffness - T-Shirt
Available
in S, M, L, XL
$19.50
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Do
your little turn, anywhere.
You
don't need the bright lights, strobes (especially
if you're epileptic: see "No Strobe" tee
below) and throbbing pulsating euro-techno
glowstick-beats to properly swing your hips in fashion
show, er, fashion when you have this shirt on. A catwalk
is almost an afterthough, an interference even with
the fact that you work it every day - not just on
game day during fashion week. Fashion week is the
superbowl of design, but as far as YOU are concerned,
fashion week is EVERY week in your world. Red shows
passion and you have a passion for fashion that can't
be quenched. If you were a superhero, you'd be "The
Tailor" bringing style and good taste to unfortunate
people everywhere. Don't just work. Work it.
The
World Is My Catwalk - T-Shirt
Available
in S, M, L, XL
$19.50
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Who's
got your back?
Let
them know not to start any static with you - even
when you ARE walking down the dark back-alley in Chinatown.
As evidenced by Ralph Macchio, the legendary "Karate
Kid," The Sensei always has your back. And your
front. And side to side.
I'm
With Sensei - T-Shirt
Available
in S, M, L, XL
$19.50
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This
T-Shirt is Kosher
For
those who want to treat their outside as well as they
treat their insides.
Kosher
OU - T-Shirt
Available
in XS, S, M, L
$19.50
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Who?
What? When? Where? Why? How?
Got
a friend who can never remember a thing? Even after
you just told it to her 30 seconds ago? Or maybe that
is you? Do you even know why you're reading this description
right now? Then you need this shirt.
No
Short Term Memory - T-Shirt
Available
in XS, S, M, L
$19.50
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Strobes
give me seizures!
Suffer
from strobe-light-related epileptic seizures? Want
to make sure and let your friends know that you can't
go to clubs for that reason? This shirt will help
save them the embarassment of asking. And you can
put your money into more productive things than cover
charges and overpriced drinks - the profit from which
will no doubt be poured into the coke habit of the
club owner.
No
Strobe - T-Shirt
Available
in XS, S, M, L
$19.50
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Romnichels?
Romani? Sinti? Scottish Travelers?
It
doesn't matter what people-group your gypsy is from,
just don't leave home without her. She'll be on your
side with those never-failing gypsy remedies that
have all but been lost to the sands of time. And if
someone crosses you, you can be sure that she will
bring a hex of weight loss, suppurating lesions, dementia,
blindness, and various other grave maladies to your
oppressor(s). A wizened crone in a black babushka
is oft underrated, but never disappoints.
Don't
Leave Home Without The Gypsy - T-Shirt
Available
in XS, S, M, L
$19.50
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Crazy
+ Drunk = Crunk
Want
to help your white friends know what that urban lingo
they're using means? Start with this one.
Crunk
Math Problem - T-Shirt
Available
in XS, S, M, L
$19.50
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Hey!
Don't call the INS! I'm Legal!
Is
the reconquista making you nervous? Is it
threatening the slice of the American Pie that you've
carved for yourself? You're doing your part to covertly
suck money out of the American economy and send it
back to your REAL home,
wherever that may be. Let everyone know you're on
the up-and-up. Luxuriously designed with the gorgeous
colors of the mexican flag, yet the star bar gives
the visual connection to the American brand and provides
an excellent smokescreen to throw off any unsuspecting
or uninformed citizenry. Yes, this is the same America
that provides the American teat that El Presidente
Calderon and his corrupt crew like to feed off of.
Guest
Worker - T-Shirt
Available
in XS, S, M, L
$19.50
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"Temporary"
is SUCH a strong word!
Subjectivity
is so subjective. Temporary to one person might be
6 months. Temporary to another might be, oh, you know,
a lifetime. You know the secret invasion is underway.
Don't wear bright reds, whites and greens to attract
undue attention! Why not throw them off your trail
with this handy dandy "non-color" t-shirt.
Grey in color symbolizing the melting pot of cultures
in the great ol' U. S. of A, it helps to show your
loyalty to no nation yet to every nation all at once.
You're reclaiming what is rightfully yours since you
were here first anyway. You have no homeland - at
least as far as the casual observer is concerned.
You are the man's man, the immigrant's immigrant,
the criminal's criminal. And with the stencil font,
heck, they JUST might think you're actually with the
border patrol.
"Temporary"
Worker - T-Shirt
Available
in XS, S, M, L
$19.50
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Documents
are for losers...
...BUT,
just in case you get caught while doing some spoiled
American's "dirty work" and you made the
mistake of leaving your "documentation"
at home, this urban camo can help with the ducking
and dodging of various neighborhood obstacles. Perfect
your reflexes and response time by heading up and
over clotheslines, around hedges, grottos, and through
trellises in your escape from Satan's INS devil-agents
of deportation. These booby-traps have clearly been
organized by the white-trash europeans that stole
this country from the indigenous peoples of the North
American continent.
Viva
La Revolución! Viva La MexAmeriCanada!
Undocumented
Worker - T-Shirt
Available
in S, M, L, XL
$19.50
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Is
it happy hour yet? Who cares!
Yes
thats right. Its ALWAYS party time with the crunk
o'clock t-shirt. Want to make sure your friends know
that you pregame harder than they party? Then its
time for a wardrobe change. Put it on and let it all
hang out.
Its
Crunk O' Clock - T-Shirt
Available
in XS, S, M, L
$19.50
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Eliminate
the Confusion
Yes,
we all know that 99.99999999999999999% of all personal
trainers are gay. Let 'em know that you slipped through
the cracks (no pun intended) at the personal trainer
certification class and that you ARE
straight. Wear this shirt to your next personal trainer
convention and set them all straight (another pun
NOT intended). Nevermind the fact that this shirt
is pink and baby blue. You're secure. You know that
at least its not an inverted, rainbow-colored triangle
with a unicorn horn and fairy wings because THAT
would be REALLY
gay. You know, not that there's anything WRONG
with being a gay trainer...
Straight
Trainer - T-Shirt
Available
in XS, S, M, L
$19.50
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